Reflections on the Latter Half of 2018
It’s been a while since I made a post on this website. The reasoning for which is simple, I have simultaneously been too busy, or too tired from being too busy for the past 4 or so months. Why? I recently moved to Montréal to attend university; the experience as a whole has just taken up all of my time.
Yet I am still disappointed with my failure to document my life. In a whirl of exciting new experiences, I am less able to reflect than in moments of sadness, loneliness or suffering. Why can I never document what is important? That which I will doubtlessly be thinking of for years to come, but will lack the records to recall with clarity. Perhaps it’s that my pen couldn’t keep up with my thoughts, or the events I experienced produced such uncertainty that only a simple retelling would be possible. Nonetheless, I now hold a feeling of what transpired over the last few months, but find it hard to recall specifics.
I feel there must be a better reason for this. These past few months have represented a dramatic and positive change to my daily life. For the first time in my life, I have a solid group of friends that aren’t just situational, but people I engage with on a much more intimate level. Nowadays, much of my time is spent with others. With that, I feel less and less the need to be introspective; perhaps my life even demands less of it. I’m unsure how to feel about all of this to be honest. It’s a trend I’ve noticed in the past few years: as I make positive changes in my life, I stray further from things I used to consider worthwhile. No longer am I invested in politics, I read less (though that hole has been filled by university), I have not made an entry in my dream diary in ages, I lack the same drive to be creative through photography and of course, this website gathers dust.
The natural conclusion is that these changes represent a change in my interests: that my hobbies have been replaced by things that make me just as happy, or happier than I was previously. But I can tell something has been lost. True, I am satisfied for once in my life, but I lack drive and creativity. I’ve become satisfied with my position, with existing as I do. Yet at such a pivotal point in my life that can’t be right!
I thought I’d take winter break to gather my thoughts, to come up with some synopsis of the past few months, yet all I am is confused. I’ve learnt more yet know less.
In any case, as with any new year type reflection, I must include the inevitable goals. Besides becoming more proficient in French, and dedicating more time to schoolwork, I think I’d like to try and reclaim some of the stuff I mentioned above. Maybe not to the same extent as in the past, but it would be good to be more disciplined with how I balance my social-individual life.
To any of those reading, I hope you had a nice holidays, are starting the New Year strong! However arbitrary that demarcation may be. As always, comments are welcome!
