Lovely Sweet Dream
So I tried LSD recently.
I’m not sure how to go about writing about the experience, mostly because it truly is impossible to accurately articulate the actual feeling of tripping on acid, the visuals, the mental effects etc. However I will try my best to illustrate my impressions.
To start, I’m not quite sure I had any idea what I was getting into before the trip itself. In fact, it would be fair to say that I had no idea what LSD would actually do to me. To surmise, I thought acid would simply distort my senses: causing changes in colour and sound, creating hallucinations, and similar effects. Although I was familiar with the idea that some people had “revelatory” experiences during their trip, I was never really interested enough to inquire about the roots of said experiences.
LSD was always the drug I wanted to try. From a young age, psychedelics were extremely enticing. From growing up on the Beatles and Pink Floyd, interest in surrealist art and games such as LSD: Dream Emulator, I always maintained a desire to at some point, experience them myself.
However, these forms of media often portrayed less of the mental effects, and more the sensory effects (or at least, that’s how I interpreted them). Such that by the time I went into the trip, I had different expectations. In a way, this was good, because I did not worry about having a so called “bad trip”. I was simply excited about the experience, and it turned out overall to be very positive.
What I did not expect was the amazingly different mental state that comes with LSD. When I first took it (100μg), I remember the visuals kicking in, and being completely entranced by them. Specifically, I remember a moment where I was laying down outside, looking up at a tree and seeing the leaves turn into two dimensional objects, swaying back and forth. While laying there the first thoughts started to enter my head. Specifically, about how all of the structures I revere in daily life were seemingly pointless. Such as the family unit, strong personal identity, gender and age relations and more. But that was all just a passing thought.
I was tripping with another person so at some point, I went inside my house to check on them. She was much more composed than me, and at that point, she started talking to me, but I could hardly muster any replies. I would begin to say something, then my thoughts would change mid sentence or as I was speaking them. My mind also jumped from one thing to another and it hurt to speak (which seemed to be a physical symptom). I definitely did not anticipate such a thing occurring, and it was very frustrating at the time. What’s more, I began to worry incessantly about certain things, pacing back and forth in delirium. This wasn’t a bad trip, but it was irritating. I couldn't control myself as I am used to doing on a daily basis.
Later on, I calmed down and was actually able to talk at length (though admittedly easily sidetracked). Immediately, everything that I thought about started to fall apart. My friend and I talked about various facets of society, and each time we did, things made less and less sense. For instance, we discussed the utility of objects and how there exists in many households, rooms that serve an exclusively aesthetic purpose. They do have a utility, but not a strictly mechanical one. I cannot remember the specifics of this conversation, but the fact that these spaces exist struck me as extremely odd and nonsensical. This type of talk continued for quite a while. In retrospect, I can see how some people might have amazing experiences or revelations (as well as terrifying thought spirals) on LSD. Although I did not expect LSD to have this component as strongly as it did, it ended up being one of the best parts of the trip. Conversation was so much more natural to me. I didn’t feel as choked up as I often get.
As for the experience as a whole, I must say, it was definitely one of (if not) the greatest experiences of my life. Besides everything around me becoming incredibly beautiful in ways that I had never experienced before, LSD opened my mind in a way that I cannot accurately orate, but still feel deep inside me. I still feel different, and I haven’t been able to do much of anything I usually enjoy within the last few days. I’m still taking in the experience; I felt compelled to write about it.
My apologies if this was a bit disjointed. Such is the experience itself.
Note: I am in no way condoning the use of illegal substances in this blog entry. I am simply chronicling my experiences.